blooming with Brooke

“Prayer is so difficult…I just don’t know what to say” my husband shared as he collapsed into bed after an emotionally tiresome day for the both of us.

We try to pray together every night before bed, and we usually take turns doing so, but this particular night I took one for the team and prayed over us on what would typically be Austin’s night to do so.

Sometimes prayer is so difficult. Sometimes I feel like I simply cannot reiterate everything that is weighing on my heart one more time. Sometimes I feel like God already knows what I am thinking, feeling, and desiring…so do I really have to go through the effort of telling Him?

When I was a young girl, I never paid too much attention to the fact that prayer has 2 parts. I really only focused on presenting all of my requests to God, much like a Christmas wish list. But as I have gotten older and matured, I came to understand that talking to God is only phase 1 of prayer. Phase 2 is letting Him answer you.

I am a yapper by nature. If you’re familiar with my family (the Rileys), you already know that we are NOT quiet people. Everything and everybody is loud all the time. There is seriously not a moment that somebody isn’t sharing a story, talking about their day, giggling, or belly laughing when we are all together, and I LOVE it. I thrive on noise. I thrive on the loudness and the joy that I associate with it. The task of being quiet or stifling a laugh is an actual chore for me. Meanwhile, Austin (my husband) grew up in a very quiet household, and he is much more accustomed to the use of inside voices and silence. So, he is the complete opposite of me in this regard. He would rather be still in the silence and wait on God than actually do the praying! While for me, the worst parts about praying are the being silent, the waiting, and the patience it takes to hear or feel God.

Most days I find the act of praying to be easy. I was taught an acronym in youth group when I was younger, and I genuinely use it every single day. It is “ACTS.” The letters stand for adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. I start off my prayers with glorifying and honoring God. I lift my hands in adoration to Him and speak blessing and glory to Him alone. Next, I move into confession. I use this as a time to confess any current and active sin in my life, as well as a designated place in my prayer life to ask God to reveal any unknown or hidden sin in my life. If there is something sinful that I am doing, thinking, or saying, I want to be aware of it. Also, if there is something that God is asking me to do, and I am ignoring or avoiding it, I want it to be brought to my attention front and center so that I can deal with it accordingly. Then, we slide into my favorite part of prayer, thanksgiving! I love to list off things to God that I am thankful for each day. I want Him to know all of the ways He blesses me and what I enjoy the most. A few items that I reiterate every single day include salvation, marriage, Austin, our families and friends, our pets, our house, our vehicles, our jobs/income, and our church family. Then, I really let loose on supplication. Supplication is the pouring out of my requests and concerns to my Heavenly Father. This is (sadly) usually the most extensive part of my prayer time. There are just so many physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally wounded and broken people that I feel led to pray for, and of course, I have my own myriad of requests to present.

The first part of prayer…easy breezy. However, I am just so dense about the second half of prayer. The half where I have to become still and silent, and I have to wait on God to move and breathe into my life according to His perfect will. And not only am I dense about the waiting…I am dense about His leading. I have to share the following story with you because this is where my title for this post comes from, but I am thoroughly embarrassed to be sharing (just so you know).

Having a blog has been a dream of mine for an incredibly long time. I have really enjoyed writing since high school, but there was no way for me to make money with it or use it as my occupation, so I sorta tucked it in my back pocket for quite some time. Eventually, God would bring topics or stories to my mind, and He led me to write about them. I began to occasionally and sporadically post them on my personal Facebook page, and I typically received good feedback. A close friend of mine told me about WordPress in August 2023. I immediately made an account and dabbled with it, but I honestly just lost steam. I prayed about it for the next few weeks, asking God how to proceed and what His will was for me in this regard. I vividly remember praying ever so specifically that God would PLEASE be insanely obvious with His response, and I tacked on “God, please…I need a big neon yellow arrow with flashing arrows around it if I am supposed to do this.” Skip along just a bit to October 2023. I had written a lengthy blog type of Facebook post and shared it. It was about my church, and how much I adore it (shameless plug for Berean Independent Baptist Church in Fort Ashby, WV!!!). My dad (the pastor) asked me if he could share the post on his personal page, and so I changed the settings to public viewing, and gave him the go-ahead to share. A few days later, one of his Facebook friends messaged me directly with the following message: “Your post about your church is so well written! Great job! It’s very meaningful and thought provoking! You should be a writer!”

Does anyone else see a big neon yellow arrow with flashing lights around it? Because looking back now, I really can’t imagine a clearer sign from God. He allowed a random Facebook post of mine to surface on this sweet lady’s social media account, and she was kind enough to reach out, and she used exclamation points (a specific way to my heart) …and she literally said, “YOU SHOULD BE A WRITER!”

Lord, forgive me for the delay. A year and a half later, and I finally scrounged up the courage to start the blog. He gave me exactly what I asked for almost immediately, but I ignored it. I bought into Satan’s lies. I told myself that it was a coincidence. I told myself that she probably didn’t really mean it. I told myself that wasn’t a good enough signal.

When I read about Gideon and the many signs he asked God for, I judge him. I think, c’mon man…God is literally talking to you, why do you need so many specific signals?! And then I suddenly realized that I am Gideon. God (holy, kind, omnipotent GOD) opens His heart, and He answers me (lowly, pathetic, sinful ME). I don’t deserve that.

Prayer is two-fold. You get to share your heart with God, but you also get the absolute privilege of waiting to hear back from Him. This is incredible! He cares about us. If you are a Christian, your prayers do not go unanswered. I know it feels like it sometimes, but He answers them all. Maybe it is just that He didn’t answer in the way you were hoping. God tells His people yes, no, and wait. I don’t know about you, but truthfully, I only like the yeses. The noes and the waits are hard, but I am trying to be better about trusting in His amazing plan for me.

And one more thing…it never hurts to keep asking for what you desire. God knows. He loves you, and He wants to bless His children. Take it to Him, lay it down at His beautiful nail pierced feet, and ask Him to help you leave it there.